so the real reason behind last blogs title

havent blogged in a few days and the real reason  is that  i don’t want to spend my life blogging its fun i can vent a certain degree of my eccentricities but one day some poor woman will have to say

for god sake nicholas get of your bloody  computer and stop telling a group of randomers about your day when you never talk to me

then i will stop blogging and turn my bedroom into a water park and sell my children to mcdonalds and subsequently they will become mckids i will then buy farms and sell smaller parts of the farm and turn my surrounding area into a moat and refuse to buy the farm back therefore rendering it useless

you get the point and i would find it so much easier to not blog if i had alot of money

so far we have established that i need to earn a lot when i am older and my wife would have to be a duck or incredibly tolerant ,i do have many habits and idiosyncrasies that seem to annoy many and charm but a few. I tend to meddle in other peoples relationships and edge people into them and i have been doing alot of that lateley but that is just me

i am off and will continue this next time

the finite wisdom of my left shoe

Thats is not i typo i did mean finite  and for all of you who can’t work out what it means then you should probably stop reading, not because i am super intelligent just because i often use words that few can grasp when life allows me such pleasures. if i thought people would still be able to read it i would write me blog very differently in fact a little something like this:

I awoke this morn to find a gelid air had settled upon my place of rest, i had foreseen these occurrings but alas did little to dissuade them, my facial feature were that on an inuits much the the dismay of one’s self.

That is just a small insight into the inner workings of Niky. Now Niky would think it strange if Niky were to talk of himself in the third person,but the Niky would like to know who the other two people are.But alas i digress.

I have really gone on a ridiculous tangent in fact there is a story behind the title but now that will have to wait for another time, as i have a self imposed word count to stick to, approximately 200 words wit a 10% leeway either side of course.

stay tuned for the next episode.

why yes

i have decided upon several facts well by several i mean nine and although these may seem trivial and over all they arn’t exactly life changing but they are now my opinionated facts and the life form known as niky shall abide by these facts laws rules or whatever you so wish to name them, but i am afraid these may mean  that i will change and if i am honest i probably wont abide by my own rules and resume my spontaneous outbursts of internal pandaemonium.

this are my facts:

1.stephen fry is god, all that is said shall be taken as law , if stephen is unavailable for a ruling lee garrod or steven belsham is an acceptable substitute if they disagree roxanne wood is the final decider.

2.chocolate is the fruit of the god so shall count as one of my 5 a day

3.i shall not blog on sundays … i can’t be arsed

4.partys are an acceptable way to find new friends for when mine go away

5. my current friend list is not allowed to change as a direct result of me going to uni

6. the word legendary cannot be over used

7.call of duty is shit. OPINION

8.dettol protects.FACT

9.facebook is not a sutable social platform to sort problems

theses are my rules and i think you will find they are just

good day to you all i have work to do now see ya folks

hilarity in shoes

variety is the fruit of life apparently, but there are some things that just shouldn’t change like pizza, for the past 3 days i have eaten cheese and tomato pizza for dinner and i could have it again for at least  two more weeks but i wont , i like variety but i don’t need   it. change is good but not necessary. that is really all i can say on the topic and this isn’t even half the length of my average blog post so new topic

university applications, they are brutal, no seriously filling out all the basic details was so unrelentingly tedious i mean seriously how much do they really need to know about me i mean i am really not all that interesting serious i look crap on paper like a class a moron. after the entire process and the gruelling wait if you ever get a no your are met with a disgustingly harsh reply just the word “unsuccessful”

but this is the world we live in

and i am off to live in it

s lng nd thnks fr ll th fsh (its got no vowels)

THIS SENTENCE IS IN CAPITAL LETTERS. Fact.

i have a question to pose to ya’ll  as a child you learn your vowels as A E I O U  then we learn that  ALL words must have a vowel in them, all following so far,  good. as our young minds were moulded by our casually dressed teachers refused to question society and these rules that have been lain for us BUT  what  about words like why and cry these made no sense to the 7 year old me in fact i was dumbfounded but i took it on the chin, just one small lie in a world of so many life lessons. i got over this and eventually went to secondary school and after covering all my books in wrapping paper i notice that science  was in fact spelt s c i e n c e  then it hit me what the hell happened to i before e unless after c i mean another rule just thrown out the window it is just outrageous, i know these are just two small examples and i have now come to the conclusion that all teachers are liars and they are the reason my roxanne has no potato salad.

i hate illiterate fools and i made that very clear over the phone not so long ago

the soup, the soup, the soup is on fire

This is a one handed blog oh the amazement  that showers upon me from your adoring faces.

this is quite personal but i do have a friction burn between my butt cheeks before you judge me here are the facts:

it happened in roxannes bedroom ( you all remember roxanne right she is adorable)

it was a solo act

a part of me was under the bed

i was topless

i know, i know it still sounds bad but i was doing sit ups with jeans on and one of the belt hole/loop things was rubbing against me it hurts a lot. and the reason  i am one handed is that roxanne has fallen asleep holding my arm close to her, told you adorable right … i love her, she is awesome  so lets applause her awesomeness

clap clap clap clap clap

i shall leave you with the wisdom of the greatest man alive

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”- Robin Williams

seeya fellas

mammary glands

as we speak me, my two sisters and the lee machine  are squeezing our nipples not for some weird  sexual reason just to find our mammary glands it’s not really interesting  but we are a strange family and this is just what we do, living life in the fast lane with all the perks… i am lying i am sooooooooo poor that is just the way it is.

ode to easter

this is not a poem

and no it does not rhyme

it is my ode to easter

and this is all the time……………………..i have?

see that is why it wasn’t a poem i suck a rhyming and its not really poem unless it rhymes, but i do love easter and to all that know me this is apparent in the vast amount of easter eggs i consume  last year was 38 (its a personal best) why yes feel free to be in awe and amazement at my superior chocolate.

it may be small but you got a freaking poem attempt so seeya

Punctuate this

hello  again  guys and dolls i am writing this in bed so this in theory is you in bed with me so enjoy.

my peeve for this evening is punctuation there are times when punctuation is necessary like school, collage and work etc and you must punctuate correctly you look like a complete idiot if you don’t and because of spellchecker everyone forgets this, its like a safety net and its good that they are trusting technology  to this extent i often do, and i love it but it makes people lazy like with facebook statuses its only one freaking sentence people grammar counts, and i know i am a massive hypocrite but thats life my blog is poorly written and i don’t care but thats all the super fun of it.

but still on the case of punctuation there is one awesome punctuation mark that is a mix of a question mark and an exclamation mark called an interrobang  google it up or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interrobang take this and go go go. it is a strange name for a punctuation mark like nice biscuits they are so slobbenly named it like the makers didn’t like them but didn’t want to call them crap biscuits

this is Niky Ellison saying good morning vietnam

Hunny I’m Home

thats right ladies and germs my useless opinion it now online again for you ignore again!! no i want to do this big style (or should that be blog style) god i am funny no serious i am hysterical. i don’t really want to address the major issues of the world like Saddam and the IRS and stuff you know the stuff that effects us now, here, today. i like to talk about the things that are less news worthy  like puppets and pie, but thats a different story.

my main qualm today is the phrase “yummy mummy”  i hate it plain and simple, i often hate the cruder alternatives to words and why not the english language has been crafted in such a way that you can say the same thing in more fanciful and flamboyant ways than your imagination can well… imagine but in this case i think MILF is far more excepted as yummy mummy sounds like something a child says during dinner. its outrageous  it makes me want to shake my fist so hard it falls off

“yo! niky what did you do that for”

“who said that”

” it’s me your fist, on the floor you farmer!”

“what on earth are you doing on the floor you fluffer”

“i fell off”

“how ?” (insert quizzical face pose here)

“you were shaking me so hard i just fell”

“you ok”

” i bit shook up but im ok” (ba dum bum bum)

thats me finished for today see you next time at nikipedia

the secret blog

written at roughly midnight i will not post any details of this but i realise alot of folks will still see this

and this wont be very long because i want to sleep i realise that every one else is sleeping and flamboyantly dancing through the land of nod

so the holidays are here but its cold without the snow … well thats not just fair i will happily sacrifice my bodily warmth any day for my bland urban surrounding to become the winter wonderland that makes her cheeks glow so and makes my soul smile  when the world around me is so picturesque that i feel as though i am living in a christmas card, this is what i want these are the memories that i long to make i wish for my life to look poetic and so i can spread christmas cheer like st nick him self

happy holidays and goodnight land of the internet